kit[inaboxw/brokenmirror]bits (kitbit) wrote,

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fearing sleep

what's worse than having trouble going to sleep too scared of the dreams you have?
having trouble going to sleep because of waking up miserable and hyperventilating to realize it's not a dream, it's your life.
or if you happen to have something resembling a half decent dream, that sinking feeling of panic when you realize how fucked up and far your life really is from that.
i passed out early last night for half an hour, woke up sweating to remember it's true, my family has pushed me out, i have no family any more, i have nobody.
so i stayed up until 7am instead, wide awake but too tired to stay up anymore, and still couldn't stay asleep for 3 hours.
i have no clue what to do this time.
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:( what happened?
that one guy you knew... he gets out in a month, extradited down here, and going to live with my parents. i can't stand to be in the same county as him, i don't even want to be in the same bloody state! :(
i was actually wondering about him, and not really in that "hey how are you hope you're well" kind of way. ack. you are still with teddy right?
thinking of you.
Seems like you are in a dark place. Can you find your way out?