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24th June 2010

2:11pm: s: lol i just got accused of having an Even More Seriously Anime Look today
d: what?
d: wtf is an emsal?
s: well one cuz of my sunburnt shoulders aint been wearin any top with straps, so i have this peach skirt made into a dress. then last night i put my hair in pigtails since no matter how i had tried putting it in a ponytail or clip, it kept getting into the aloe stuff i put on the shoulders.
s: then this morning i just twisted and clipped the pigtails up and they kinda fall in these lil wispy curls... so yeah
s: ima have to get pics of this alleged EMSAL
d: darn those EMSALs!
s: damn cam not speaking to any batteries >.>
d: lmao
d: gogo new cam?
s: heh bah
s: i wish
s: sowwy was in kitchen
s: probably going to hold a random kitten for said pics, that might make it EMSAL too
d: lmao

13th June 2010

6:54am: Lonely is a friend in itself
.
Good Morning
Clouds feel low
enough to tickle
speeding they
slip on through,
carrousel figures
transparent grins
as you reach out
they flurry past
just like thoughts
quickly carried off
not heard from again.
.
I love the peace
resonating through
after I sing
the strength
coursing within
calm like playing that
instrument I don't have
energy clearing up with
words, visions aflutter more,
many more, butterflies inside.
.
A tiny warrior stands
as tall as possible
still fits under a rail
looking out over landscape
ready to take on the world
this, this all I can handle
this, this much to deal with it
not like those nightmares
just left in rearviews
hindsights giving wild chase
even as I calm my breathing.
.
I love the weight
of my hair hanging
pressed against tail
bone, until next breeze
constant reminder and friend
lone as it may be,
myself is enough. (fight
urge to lean, shoulder I have
not had, whisper soft in close ear
isolated further than Calypso)
continue to shy from scissors
and maybe I should
because this can be enough
I would miss her company
too much and I
already miss too much.
.
JAY
Current Mood: hungry

8th June 2010

9:23am: convos, i needa write about these things
meh otays... thinkin too muches and lonely but whats new 8:11 AM
hows you? 8:11 AM

oh noes 8:12 AM
what ya thinking too much about now kitty mew mew 8:12 AM


lol 8:12 AM
my life and stuffs 8:12 AM

oh c'mon 8:13 AM
tell tell 8:13 AM


>.> 8:14 AM
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/video/video.php?v=340477861607 8:19 AM
and, well, last night i discovered/realized how people generally think i'm still a teen when they meet me.... 8:19 AM
it explains so much! and i should take it as a compliment i guess but tis frustrating 8:19 AM


i believe in miracles.. since you came.. you sexy thing 8:21 AM
oops.. i mean since you came along 8:21 AM

uhh huhs 8:21 AM

hahahahah 8:21 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAH 8:22 AM

>.> 8:22 AM

awww the attack of the ass monster 8:22 AM
hahahaha 8:22 AM
RAWWWRRR 8:22 AM

lol 8:22 AM
so yeeeah 8:27 AM
any thoughts on my predicament? 8:27 AM

well.. 8:28 AM
yeah.. i'd take it as a compliment.. 8:28 AM
that you're full of vim, verve, and vinegar.. 8:28 AM
i mean vigor 8:28 AM


i had been realizing when looking at like personals that i'm getting that ackward age cuz guys say they want somebody 28 or younger usually etc... and had been considering just saying i'm 20something before this/doing that whole "dont ask a woman their age" type attitude about it 8:28 AM
but... yeah reeeeeally found out last night tis worse than i thought hahaha 8:29 AM
i just never realized it was THAT bad, like okay my neice is a few years younger than me, and when we first tell peeps i'm her aunt nobody believes it 8:30 AM
few days ago a little girl looked back and forth between us going "HUH but...but... WHAT!?!? shouldnt she be YOUR aunt?" and she had been telling me how i reminded her of a girl she knew that looked a lot like me before that... so it was starting to dawn on me then 8:31 AM
but last night a lady told me no, she had taken me for a teen until i came out with it 8:32 AM
and... yeah when peeps meet a group and theres a teen... they immiedately look away/ignore them after that. seriously. WTF this is why i suck so much at being able to make any new friends here too. >.> 8:33 AM
people online don't want somebody over 28...people IRL think i'm a teen and too young to matter to them. !!!


hah yeah.. 8:47 AM
it's a horrible experience 8:47 AM
i still ilke to play silly games.. flash gamesd.. online games.. etc 8:47 AM

mmnhmmn 8:47 AM

and people are always like.. "wuts ur age" 8:47 AM
and if you dare tell 'em.. 34.. 8:47 AM
they are like.. OMG PERV 8:47 AM
i'm like.. wtf? 8:47 AM

lol 8:47 AM


i don't come here for sex.. 8:47 AM
i come to play a damned game 8:47 AM
yup 8:48 AM
i unnastas hon 8:48 AM


nuh uhhs 8:48 AM
*bites you* 8:48 AM
seriously i've been frustrating over it like..WTF... i figured it was either cuz i'm so shy/quiet at first in most situations or i'm always the odd one out that doesnt fit in, ya know with the girls i knew before they'd always make me seem the chubby one 8:49 AM

yeah eh 8:51 AM
it's no fun at all 8:51 AM

with bigger girls, i'm the one thats too small to fit in when they talk bout losing weight and giving clothes to each others, etc. and when i'm with them and guys come hitting on them after BBWs, well no i get ignored then too. 8:51 AM
so yeah.. wtf do ya do. >.> 8:51 AM
oh and then theres the umm, other thing. i got ANOTHER guy tell me how weird it is i'm like another version of them, tis creepy, i think zactly like a guy, but i have boobies! 8:52 AM
D: 8:52 AM
i'm like ".... yeeeeah okay don't think its too weird. i get that. a. LOT."

hahahah 8:54 AM
well.. it is a bit weird 8:54 AM
because.. 8:54 AM
a lot of girls have this.. 'we are a special group of people" mentality.. where guys are kicked outside into this "us versus them" mentality 8:54 AM
and so it's really nice to have someone be on teh same page 8:54 AM
rather than twisting our words around nito somethign we're not saying 8:55 AM


well... if guys think i'm like talkin to a guy... then that totally fudges me out on ever getting treated decently like a woman, rrrrright? BAH! 8:55 AM


the thign is.. 8:55 AM
that's not what i mean when i say that to you at all 8:55 AM
i'd love to treat ya like a lady 8:55 AM
i just think it's cool that you're not twisting my words around to attack me with them 8:56 AM
that's what i mean by it 8:56 AM
2 guys will have a conversation.. and the other guy takes what i say.. exactly the way i mean it 8:56 AM

i mean, yeah i want guys to be honest and no BS... and most guys SAY they want that when they look for women, but ummn NO they don't treat it the same. so i need girl lessons without being a bitch or something. 8:56 AM

a guy and a girl have the same conversation.. and she twists it around.. 'what did he mean when he said.. blah blah blah.. i think he meant.. .. OMG.. he meant it.. I KNOW HE meant it.. i'm going to make him pay for saying that.. DAMN HIM" 8:57 AM
when it's not what he meant at all 8:57 AM

o_0 8:57 AM


so when i say it to you.. what i'm saying is.. 8:57 AM
"I'd still love to treat ya like a lady.. but it's nice that you understand what i'm saying.. the way talking to a guy would" 8:57 AM
you are who you are.. without all the pretencious bullshittery of talking to a woman 8:58 AM
that's what i mean 8:58 AM

rofl 8:58 AM
<3 8:58 AM

it's not saying i want to treat you like a man 8:58 AM
it's just.. that.. i'm not having to play the "ok.. how do i make sure i haven't said anythign that can get twisted around on me to the nth degree" 8:58 AM

im not saying guys treat me like a man when they talk to me enough and realize these things, but no it's certainly not like a woman 8:59 AM
its so weird, i get confused by the LITTLE things like this with guys. i mean there's so much guys wont say, and i know that and their reasons and usually it's easy and simple to understand. ya know? 9:00 AM
but then they go and flip out at me without warning sometimes totally uncalled for too and i'm like WTF where the heeeeeeell did this come from? and it can hurt as bad as what bitches do to ya sometimes, but it IS different.

hahahahahahahhahhaha 9:14 AM
yeah.. 9:14 AM
people are goofy sa shit 9:15 AM
i'm not laughing at your circumstances. 9:15 AM
i'm laughing at "hurt as bad as what bitches do" 9:15 AM

i think the problems probably come in when they treat and talk to me like a guy for the most part, don't tell me what they're thinking/expecting of me, while at the same time thinking of me as THEIR woman which they've never truly told me or acted like it was happening, ya know? 9:15 AM

cuz i know exactly what ya mean 9:15 AM
well yeah 9:16 AM

and... i know, i think tis all amusing too 9:16 AM
just... things that i never really REALIZED, it doesn't depress me and i get all BROODING over my past relationships, etc. but that's what they're in the past for, to learn from and realize WTF happened, right? 9:17 AM

and for a good laugh later in life 9:17 AM

yup 9:17 AM
well thing with me is, i DO laugh about it and find the irony of the situations when i realize it... but i guess some people can't see that when i do it. 9:18 AM

yup 9:19 AM
people are goofy shits.. 9:19 AM
they really are 9:19 AM

*sighs and leans onya* 9:22 AM

awww *huggems* 9:24 AM
so i've decided i like the way you play with words.. 9:24 AM
and i've decided to call cybor sex.. 9:25 AM
sigh-bore secks 9:25 AM

lol youve just decided this? well i likes teh way you play with words too 9:25 AM
thats totally fitting! 9:25 AM

hahah well.. i've decided that a long time ago 9:25 AM

/ninja. >.> 9:25 AM

awwww.. ty ty

hmmn a long time ago... how many years has it been now lol 9:27 AM
more than ten eesh 9:27 AM
oooooh hey erm guess whats, so i found another one of my old school IRC poomers on FB 9:29 AM
inuddo if you remembers him too ... ya might should 9:29 AM
oh gawds you got quiet dont tell me you're peekin at that massive chat log stash you have now to find out *shudders* 9:31 AM


haha 9:53 AM

no actually i was making breakfast 9:54 AM
and it took longer than i expected 9:54 AM

/sniffs at it for vegan scraps 9:54 AM

i thought i was just gonna make a peanut butter and jenay sammich 9:54 AM

but then i was like.. "no wait.. wait.." 9:54 AM
are doritos considered vegan? 9:55 AM

i went outsides and brushed my braids out... was gonna go make oatmeals for breakfast, didnt turn ont he light in the kitchen and slipped through freggin puddle of liquidy cat puke i didnt see(wood floors, it blends in) 9:55 AM

awww 9:56 AM

so... yeah went washed that off, had to change pants, lost my appetites for bein in there to make breakfasts 9:56 AM

cat horf is nasty that way 9:56 AM

ummn doritos are cheesy 9:56 AM
so no 9:56 AM
9:56 AM
WHAT kinda breakfast is dat? 9:56 AM
/slap 9:56 AM

hahaha 9:56 AM
it's a yummy on? 9:56 AM
one 9:56 AM

EAT REAL FOODS DAYAM 9:57 AM

i just wanted regular corn chips.. 9:57 AM
but.. 9:57 AM
my buddy brought these to me.. 9:57 AM
so.. i'm not one to through things away 9:58 AM

			
< nag>zomg didnt your mama and me ever teach ya nuffin bout good breakfasts?</nag> 

errm otays sorry dunno what came over me, carry on

well to be honest.. 9:59 AM
when i was standing in the kitchen 9:59 AM
and i saw the salsa.. 9:59 AM
it was like.. OM NOM NOM NOM 9:59 AM
and so everything just kinda sprang fro there 9:59 AM
from 9:59 AM


hehe 10:00 AM

cuz then i wanted onions 10:00 AM


<,< 10:00 AM

and then i wanted black olives.. 10:00 AM
and then i wanted beans 10:00 AM
and then.. and then.. and then 10:00 AM

know what i do when that happens 10:00 AM
fry up some potatoes/onions, throw in some beans, scramble eggs and make yummers breakfast burritos 10:01 AM

oh me oh my 10:01 AM
ok.. 10:01 AM
teleport device... ACTIVATE! 10:01 AM
get your lil tushy over here.. right meow! 10:01 AM


course when im vegan tis done with scrambled tofu...and zomg my tvp sausage stuff 10:01 AM
lol 10:01 AM
i also had a speedy cheaty version though, just scramble eggs in the microwave and use frozen hash browns or tator tots etc 10:02 AM
>.> 10:02 AM

yeah... but.. 10:03 AM
when you teleport here.. 10:03 AM
you'll make the real thing 10:03 AM
right? 10:03 AM
cuz.. you're awesome 10:03 AM

yup 10:04 AM
>.> 10:04 AM
lol 10:04 AM
i'd make whatever you'd like best! yays! that'd kinda be the point! 10:04 AM

wooohooo 10:05 AM
WIN WIN WIN 10:05 AM
Current Mood: distressed

28th May 2010

7:15pm: in other unmentioned news, </3s suck
OH MAN! I forgot how loud I can SHRIEEEEEK like a girl
seriously, it wakes the dead and makes the silence SO heavy afterwards, and all the cats even the ones that were snoozin soundly, are all huddled against the wall at the far FAR side of the apt
and I had this feelin for awhile just of shock and "Eep did I do dat?" feeling it resonating through me still. Teehee
Ain't gotten that loud since... since... Superman ride at Six Flags
One of the kittens jumped on my back and DUG claws in this morning... I had no warning and it was mah tailbone and hip area
and it was DEEP digging, not little scra\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\tches (<---sorry kitten monster again)
So.. yeah that was interesting
At least that wasn't a spot that got sunburned yesterday
Silly kittens think my hair looks SO good to attack when I'm sitting...
How many times do I have to say I really need to cut it, before I finally do? HMMMN.
Current Mood: irritated

6th September 2007

10:21pm: lotsa kat pix
there's an art to the perfect cat napping zen:

evil sleeps, wakes, huntsCollapse )

28th August 2007

7:36pm: More Pixamania
WTF is wrong with me, I drink a cup of coffee, and it just makes me crash: this happened with most of the girls in my family, first cup makes us sleepy.
So then I make another one(not hot coffee, an iced coffee drink, first was mmmn vanilla almond and second was hazelnut) but that cup ALSO made me sleepy with the added bonus of upsetting my stummy.
/throws up her paws.
must get work done. just wanna curl up and cry. blah.
So I went shopping today, and idunno why but I'm in pic-heavy mode now. So here's noo stuffs. Hrmb.
But first, the two crappy phone cam, but cute cute cute sweet baby pix.

Dude, issit just me, or does that little nose look exactly the way mine is?
Read more...Collapse )

4th May 2007

4:34am: kids and animals.
they both reach out to grab at me and fill me with happiness no matter how bad i am, they always do it. they probably do it knowing how bad i am sometimes.
i'm like a magnet to babies in theatres, i have kids randomly turning to grab my hand and calling me a name i've never had, other places too, but that just isn't as often. the getting to other places kids are part.
their moms apologize embarassed when they realize, i laugh saying it's fine. then the kids in theatres navigate back to me *again* and tonight when that sleeping baby girls hand clutching mine was finally moved, the spot on my hand stayed SO cold for atleast 15 minutes. the theatre was hot with no air and way too many people packed in, but that spot had way too much air.
gods, i miss being around kids.
twenty six on tuesday, and where have i gotten.
irony, irony, that word i can not say. i have to give away instead the puppy who was supposed to be my birthday present.
PS
Rhi: in that dream, did you find me?
Donny: i hafta get a bdayish hug from you somehow, i'm in the middle of nowhere now though. we'll see. <3
Current Mood: asleep

21st March 2007

11:26pm: ...and his name is pan(i think)

He's supposed to be my bday present, but I got him Sunday, a couple of months early. :D
Still not sure on the name, I want to name him Pan, it's so fitting for him, but everybody else thinks it's stupid cuz they think stupidly, of like a frying pan instead of Pan Pan and probably think I'll name my kid Pot someday too.
Actually the full name is going to be Panumbra, because I always like extra meanings and names that allow for different nick/variations and I've always been fond of the word penumbra, so combining them is kinda weird but I think it'd work.
In the same sense that Teddy knew the minute he thought about it and convinced his bro to let us have a puppy, that a puppy isn't something you can just go buy and give as a gift to me, a name is too important to rush in my opinion too. I wouldn't think of a name before we found our puppy when we were looking, I spent a couple of days with him trying to let the right name come. It hasn't really hit me hard enough though, so I'm still not sure.
The only other thing I could think of is Khameo, because of the way his markings look on his face like a mask like a cameo and(also why penumbra fits) how shadow is also fitting for the way he walks with you, behind like a shadow. I don't really like it as much, but it could work too. Then maybe later we can get a girlie dog to name Kharma to go with Khameleon. See, that spelling doesn't even work for it either, idunno. He still isn't responding to my Pan yet but he did when I tried Khameo that once... but then maybe he was just horny and excited at the time, cuz he sure was that.
Yeah, let me have one dog, I just want another. I'm like that sometimes. So much much more to write about him and so many stories to tell already, but I'm zausted as it is now. I have a lot more pics to post too, maybe I'll just throw them up so hopefully I'll write more about them tomorrow. Yeah that's it.
Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: crazy

6th August 2006

11:42am: fearing sleep
what's worse than having trouble going to sleep too scared of the dreams you have?
having trouble going to sleep because of waking up miserable and hyperventilating to realize it's not a dream, it's your life.
or if you happen to have something resembling a half decent dream, that sinking feeling of panic when you realize how fucked up and far your life really is from that.
i passed out early last night for half an hour, woke up sweating to remember it's true, my family has pushed me out, i have no family any more, i have nobody.
so i stayed up until 7am instead, wide awake but too tired to stay up anymore, and still couldn't stay asleep for 3 hours.
i have no clue what to do this time.
Current Mood: so fluffing alone

7th October 2004

2:18pm: arrrghs!
i seriously hate outlook express. i've refused to touch it for years, it's awful enough when i have to go over and clear out my mom's junkmail for her.
but i've reluctantly been using it for work, and trying to set up for our newest site is driving me mad here. i shudder to think about when i have to move on to the third site too. ick.
is there seriously no way to change your defualt identity to a new one instead of the first?
this is just sick. sure, atleast i can tell it to use a new one for other programs opening an email, which i need, but that's still NOTHING TO DO WITH CHANGING THE ACTUAL DEFAULT. there's nothing for it anywhere, unless i'm blind as a bat and so are hundreds of tutorial page writers.
Current Mood: annoyed
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